This blog post is the fourth in a series that is a deep dive into
what I call The Principles of Truly Human Leadership, from the revised
and expanded 10th anniversary edition of my book, Everybody Matters: The Extraordinary Power of Caring for Your People Like Family, available now.
There is a stark difference between management and leadership.
I have come to realize that the word management means the manipulation of others for your success. By contrast, leadership is the stewardship of the lives entrusted to you with the vision of sending them home each night knowing that who they are and what they do matters.
I wrote a few weeks ago about my revelations that helped me understand the true responsibility of leadership. There’s one that may be the most important.
From Manager to Leader
It was a beautiful June day in Aspen, an idyllic setting for an outdoor wedding. My wife and I sat under the tent and watched the father of the bride walk his daughter down the aisle.
Having by that time walked my own two daughters down the aisle, I deeply related to the emotions my friend was feeling as he spoke the words I’ve heard many times: “Her mother and I give our daughter to be wed to this young man.”
I knew that wasn’t what he was really thinking. He was thinking, ‘Look here, young man. Her mother and I brought this precious child of ours into this world. We’ve given her all the love and support we could possibly give, and we expect you, through this marriage, to enable her to continue to be everything she was meant to be. We are entrusting you with this sacred obligation. Do you understand that, young man?’”
At that moment, my thoughts went immediately to the people of Barry-Wehmiller—all those precious people whose parents also want them to have the opportunity to discover, develop, share, and be appreciated for their gifts and to live lives of meaning and purpose.
I thought to myself, “My God, all of our people, each and every one of them is somebody’s precious child with hopes and dreams for a future through which they can realize their full potential.”
That may very well have been the moment I became a leader instead of a manager. It was the moment I stopped seeing Mary as an engineer or Joe as a salesperson. Before that time, the people in our company weren’t really people, they were functions for my success.
I was a nice guy in my career as a manager. But, ultimately, people were disposable because I didn’t really see them as people.
People Matter. Words Matter.
I recently wrote about the impact of using the phrase span of care instead of saying “employees” or that someone “reports to” you. The words we use can have an impact on the way we behave, and, in turn, lead. They illustrate your mindset.
When we use phrases and words that dehumanize the people in our organizations, it allows leaders to distance themselves from the consequences of their actions. They no longer have to worry about whether a person has to support their family. They no longer have to consider whether the person or their family members rely on the medical care provided through their job. It doesn’t matter. They’re simply a number, a function, just like all of the numbers the company uses to make their numbers.
Layoffs are discussed in boardrooms as if they are weight-loss plans, a way to “trim the fat” from organizations. Leaders speak of “managing head count” rather than stewarding lives. In factories, workers labor on “the floor,” a term that subtly places them beneath those in offices. Even the term “human resources” reduces people to just another asset, akin to machinery or raw materials. These words shape mindsets and influence how people are treated.
It doesn’t matter where you work in the organization or what you do, people simply want to know that they matter. That's why words matter.
“Employees” are “fired”—a term derived from French firing squads. Why wouldn’t we treat a team member with the same respect when we determine that separation is necessary, as when we welcome them into our organizations?
When management succeeds in dehumanizing the people within the business, it doesn’t really matter how you treat them, right? They’re just numbers. They’re just functions for your success.
But when you see the people in your business as someone’s precious child, the lens in which you view them changes.
Once after speaking at a conference, I met a director of a large consulting company. He was very complimentary before departing quickly to get to the airport. Some time later, he unexpectedly returned because he had missed his flight. Instead of being frustrated, he excitedly found me to tell me what had happened. After he got into the cab, it quickly became apparent that the driver was making some poor decisions, making it impossible for the gentleman to make his flight. The man began to get incredibly frustrated. But then he said to me, “All of a sudden, I was thinking about your speech. And instead of looking at that young man as a cab driver, I began to think about him as somebody’s son. It profoundly changed the way I talked to him.”
Seeing Others’ Dignity
A few years ago, I read a column in the New York Times by Thomas Friedman in which he made a statement that stuck with me. He said that we have more of a poverty of dignity in the world than a poverty of money.
Friedman’s words struck a chord because they get to the heart of what I’ve witnessed time and again in workplaces around the world. This, to me, represents one of the most urgent crises of our time: the epidemic of leadership malpractice that diminishes humanity and perpetuates humiliation in workplaces everywhere.
The poverty of dignity manifests in many ways: team members reduced to mere numbers on a spreadsheet, leaders who prioritize profits over people, and organizational cultures that perpetuate disconnection and dehumanization. When people feel that their dignity is violated, the emotional toll is immense. Conversely, when people feel that their dignity is honored, they flourish. They become more loyal, creative, and willing to give their best effort.
Donna Hicks, the author and Harvard professor, said to us on a visit to Barry-Wehmiller in St. Louis: "Dignity is something we are born with -- it is our inherent value and worth. We have little trouble seeing it when a child is born; there is no question about whether they are something of value. In fact, we would say that children are invaluable, priceless and irreplaceable. How do we treat something that is invaluable, priceless and irreplaceable? We give it our utmost care and attention. Even though we are all born worthy of this care and attention, we are born vulnerable to having our dignity violated. Treating others with dignity, then, becomes the baseline of our interactions. You don’t have to do anything to deserve dignity.”
In other words, we have no problem recognizing the dignity of others when we see them as someone’s precious child.
The Lens of a Leader
No one wants to be managed. You don’t manage your spouse or child. People want to be mentored. They want to be coached. They want to be led.
Throughout business and organizations, people continue to be taught to be managers, not leaders. They make sure everyone is in their seat on time, they take headcount for the day, they check off the boxes of daily tasks.
Leaders inspire. Leaders care. Leaders help people grow. It’s not about the tasks, it’s about the person.
The lens through which we see people impacts how we treat people. When you view them not as “functions,” but as someone’s precious child, you treat them as you would want your own children treated.
And that is the lens through which a Truly Human leader views others.